Geek Habitat

Marriage Lesson #112: Sex only happens when one of you has already undressed yourself.

This isn’t a personal TMI post, I promise. It’s more like discussing one of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, adjusted for married couples.

I bought some new t-shirts the other day — shirts that complement my newly svelte body. Thanks to hours upon hours of walking, rowing, and 8 straight weeks of post-knee surgery PT three times a week, my usual fare of oversized t-shirts just don’t work anymore! While I shopped for the most flattering and comfortable shirts I could find for under $12 a piece, I chuckled. I knew many of the shirts would receive approval from Justin, since like most men, he appreciates the female form. For some reason, though, my mind transported back to our years dating and how he’d have reacted then to these same new ‘duds.

When you’re dating, and perhaps during the first year or so of marriage, new clothes in the right circumstances are an “invitation” to your partner. They’re something new for the lover to caress and remove — new textures, new buttons/snaps/ties to master, new colors and shapes that accenuate the lover’s form.

When you’re married? Well, new clothes are new clothes (and don’t forget the receipt!) Your spouse might notice the “new look,” but it probably won’t get you anywhere near the bedroom. That’s because when you’re married, “Sex only happens when one of you has already undressed yourself.” Married men and women, when was the last time your spouse took off your jeans/slacks/skirt? Your bra? More than likely, it’s been awhile. Sex generally doesn’t happen among long-time “marrieds” unless one of you has already changed into comfortable clothes, such as after taking a shower or getting ready to go to sleep. If we’re lucky, the spouse comes to bed still coherent enough to take advantage of the situation!

Unless you’ve been separated for weeks/months, the whole “drop what you’re doing and ravish me” deal just doesn’t happen very often once you’ve settled into wedded bliss. It’s not that it can’t happen, of course, because like all things a little effort goes a long way. But the natural order of things is definitely in line with Marriage Lesson #112: Sex only happens when one of you has already undressed yourself.
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If you’re wondering where the other 111 Marriage Lessons are, bear in mind that just like the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, they aren’t used in numerical order. Now you know there are at least 111 lessons, however!

PS: You know you’re a geek when… you can link the Ferengi Rules of Acquision, and your sex life, in a perfectly rational discussion.