Keeping Myself Honest
I’ve been playing the usual mind games with myself over this, so I’m posting this entry to keep myself honest. That way, when Sunday comes around I can’t justify myself out of doing what I want and need to do just because of some misguided fear of being out of my element and not doing everything perfectly. (It’s no secret that I’m uncomfortable in new situations and when meeting new people; it’s how I’m wired, although I always strive to handle it better.)
Justin and several of his workmates are volunteering at the KellyUSA shelter on Sunday afternoon to help people displaced by Hurricane Katrina. Specifically, they’ll be volunteering to: help people locate their loved one’s via the Internet, communicate their own location to others, and establish free email accounts so they can begin to reconnect with friends and family. Justin invited me along with his usual loving, no-pressure pitch, “You’re welcome to come, if you want to.” My heart immediately wanted to say, “Yes, I definitely want to do that!” Then that old self doubt crept in, complete with ready-made excuses: “I pretty much suck at telling someone how to navigate a website… it’s like my brain doesn’t work if I don’t have a mouse in my hand!” or “What if I frustrate someone or have to give them bad news? That’s the last thing any of them need is some chick in a “Fly Girl” hat telling them, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find anyone you’re looking for.” “It’s not like they’re looking for parks or a print to hang on their wall… these are people who’ve lost everything!”
Yes, all of those things could happen and are true. But it’s also true that I’ll kick myself if I don’t take this opportunity to do something more than just that token donation. And, God forbid, it might even turn out to be something I enjoy and would do again, during a weekday (when volunteers are in short supply) — since I’m one of the few who have the luxury of a truly flexible schedule.
So, take that, self doubt. Just like every single other thing you’ve ever reared your ugly head over, this too will be met with positive action.
